Being a single mum can sometimes feel as though you are expected to have superhuman levels of energy. You may be earning the money, running the house, remembering the appointments, organising your children’s lives, managing the finances and providing most of the emotional support, often without another adult beside you to share the everyday load.

Then there is work. When your household relies heavily or entirely on your income, there can be enormous pressure to keep going, work longer hours or push yourself harder because there isn’t another salary to fall back on.

Add mum guilt and the pressure we often put on ourselves to get everything right, and it becomes very easy to live in a permanent state of exhaustion. You keep going because people depend on you, until running on empty starts to feel like a normal part of being a single mum.

I know because I have done it.

I’ve experienced burnout myself, and it has changed the way I think about work, money, health, motherhood and the kind of life I want to create. I’ve learnt that the answer isn’t simply becoming better at coping with an impossible amount of responsibility.

Sometimes, something actually has to change.

What Does Single Mum Burnout Feel Like?

The word burnout is used very broadly, so it is worth understanding what it actually means. The World Health Organization formally defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon associated with chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed, rather than as a medical condition.

In everyday life, however, people often use burnout to describe the profound exhaustion that can develop after a long period of stress and overwhelm. The NHS explains that long-term or severe stress can lead to physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, and describes burnout as something that can develop gradually.

You might notice that you are:

exhausted and drained most of the time
increasingly irritable or impatient
struggling to concentrate or make decisions
overwhelmed by things you would normally manage
losing motivation or enjoyment
withdrawing from other people
struggling to switch off
experiencing changes in your sleep or appetite
feeling detached or as though you have nothing left to give
simply getting through each day rather than enjoying your life

The difficulty is that when you have been living under pressure for a long time, you can become accustomed to feeling like this. You tell yourself you’re just busy, that things will settle down eventually or that this is simply what motherhood is like.

But permanent exhaustion shouldn’t be the goal.

My Experience of Burnout as a Single Mum

I’ve been a single mum for many years, and over that time I became very good at carrying a lot. Raising my son while studying, building a career and working in a demanding job meant balancing work and parenting alongside managing our home, finances and the additional support my son needed.

Somewhere along the way, simply keeping everything going wasn’t enough. I put pressure on myself to be a present and supportive mum, succeed professionally, create financial security and maintain a happy, organised home.

The problem was that I was still only one person. There wasn’t somebody else automatically taking over when I reached my limit, so a difficult day at work didn’t make the responsibilities waiting for me at home disappear.

Dinner still needed cooking, the dog needed looking after, the house needed running and my son still needed his mum. Instead of recognising that I was carrying too much, my response was usually to push myself harder.

Over time, I experienced significant burnout alongside problems with my physical health. I wouldn’t claim that stress caused my health conditions, but experiencing both has fundamentally changed the way I think about work, rest and looking after myself.

I no longer see continually pushing through exhaustion as something to be proud of. Sometimes strength isn’t about discovering how much more you can carry. It is recognising when the load has become too heavy and being willing to change something.

Why Can Single Motherhood Become So Overwhelming?

Single motherhood itself isn’t something that needs fixing. Single-parent families can be happy, secure and thriving, and becoming a single mum has taught me an enormous amount about my own strength and independence.

However, there are practical realities that can make single-parent life particularly demanding. When there isn’t another adult consistently sharing responsibility, one person can end up carrying an enormous physical, emotional and financial load.

The Mental Load Rarely Switches Off

There are the jobs everybody can see: cooking dinner, washing clothes, cleaning the house, going to work and driving children where they need to go. Then there are all the jobs happening inside your head.

You are remembering appointments, checking school or college messages, thinking about money, planning meals, organising birthdays, worrying about your child’s wellbeing and mentally calculating how everything is going to fit into the week. You can finally sit down on the sofa and still be working through tomorrow’s list in your head.

This is why telling an overwhelmed single mum to “just relax” often isn’t particularly useful. Your body may have stopped moving, but your brain hasn’t necessarily stopped managing the family.

Providing on One Income Creates Another Layer of Pressure

Money can make slowing down particularly difficult. When you’re responsible for keeping a roof over your family’s head, you may feel that working less simply isn’t an option.

Research by UK single-parent charity Gingerbread illustrates how significant financial pressure can be. In its 2023 research, two-thirds of single parents surveyed said their financial position had worsened over the previous year, while half reported that rising living costs had negatively affected their mental health.

That creates a difficult cycle. You may need to work more because you need the money, but working more leaves less time to rest, manage the home and look after yourself.

Mum Guilt Makes It Harder to Put Yourself on the List

Then there is guilt. You work and worry you’re not spending enough time with your children. You spend time with them and think about everything you haven’t finished at work or around the house.

Even resting can make you feel guilty because there is always something else you could be doing. It becomes very easy to believe that everybody else’s needs should automatically come before your own.

I’ve had to challenge that belief in myself. Looking after my health isn’t taking something away from my son. My health and wellbeing are part of my family’s wellbeing too.

10 Ways Single Mums Can Avoid Burnout

Avoiding burnout isn’t about creating another ten things you now have to squeeze into your week. If anything, it is about doing the opposite. Look carefully at what you are carrying and deciding what really deserves your limited time and energy.

Not all of these changes will be possible for every single mum. Money, employment, childcare, children’s needs and support networks are different for all of us. So, the aim isn’t to create another impossible standard to live up to.

1. Stop Treating Exhaustion as Normal

There is a difference between being tired after a particularly demanding week and living in a way that leaves you permanently depleted. One of the most important things I’ve learnt is to notice that difference.

Ask yourself whether you are occasionally tired because life is busy, or whether your normal week requires you to continually override what your mind and body are telling you. If every weekend is spent recovering from the week while simultaneously catching up with everything you couldn’t do during it, it may be time to look at what needs to change.

The NHS advises paying attention to signs of prolonged stress rather than simply ignoring them. Stress can affect our emotions, bodies, relationships and ability to make decisions. Particularly, when it begins to feel outside our control.

2. Work Out What Is Actually Draining You

Before adding meditation, journalling or another self-care routine, try to identify where the biggest pressure is actually coming from. You cannot always solve an unsustainable workload by becoming better at relaxing for ten minutes.

Ask yourself what is taking the most from you at the moment. It could be work, money worries, lack of sleep, a difficult relationship, too many commitments, the house, childcare, trying to meet impossible standards or simply never having enough time alone.

Once you identify the biggest drain, ask what you can realistically do about it. Sometimes the most effective form of self-care isn’t adding something pleasant to your life. It is removing, reducing or changing something that is repeatedly exhausting you.

3. Stop Expecting One Person to Do the Work of Two

I think this is particularly important for single mums who put a lot of pressure on themselves. You can become so determined to prove that you are coping that you quietly create impossible expectations for yourself.

Your home doesn’t have to be immaculate, dinner doesn’t have to be impressive and your child doesn’t need every possible activity or experience. You don’t have to volunteer for everything, remember everything without writing it down or be available to everybody all of the time.

I’ve gradually become much more comfortable asking, “Does this actually need doing?” Sometimes it does, but surprisingly often it can wait, be simplified or disappear from the list altogether.

4. Use Routines to Reduce Your Mental Load

The best routines aren’t about squeezing more productivity out of an already exhausted woman. They are about removing decisions and making ordinary life require less effort.

A simple meal plan means you don’t have to decide what to cook every evening. Preparing what you need the night before can make mornings calmer, while one calendar or list can stop you carrying the entire family’s schedule around in your head.

This is why I now value simple systems much more than elaborate routines. If this is an area you struggle with, read Simple Routines for Single Mums: 7 Ways to Make Everyday Life Easier next, because I’ve shared the practical routines I use to make everyday family life more manageable.

5. Protect the Foundations of Your Health

When life becomes busy, our own basic needs can be surprisingly easy to neglect. We skip lunch, drink coffee instead of water, stay up late finishing jobs and stop moving our bodies because there simply doesn’t seem to be enough time.

I’ve started thinking about my wellbeing more broadly: food, water, sleep, rest, movement, emotional health, personal development, social connection and spiritual fulfilment. I don’t manage every area perfectly, but I want all of them to have some place in my life.

The Mental Health Foundation describes a healthy work-life balance as having enough time and energy not only for work but also for health, relationships and interests outside work. It specifically includes being able to sleep and eat properly rather than allowing work to consume those basic needs.

We spend so much time thinking about whether our children are eating properly, sleeping enough, exercising and feeling emotionally okay. I think we need to learn to extend some of that same care towards ourselves.

6. Recognise That Rest Is Necessary

For years, I treated rest as something I could have once everything was finished. The obvious problem with that approach is that when you’re running a home and raising a child, everything is never finished.

There will always be another load of washing, an email that could be answered, something that could be cleaned or something you could prepare for tomorrow. Sometimes you have to decide that you have done enough even though jobs still exist.

Rest might mean going to bed earlier, sitting down with a cup of tea, watching television, reading, having a quiet afternoon or simply doing nothing useful for a while. It doesn’t need to be productive or impressive to count.

If you’ve become so accustomed to looking after everybody else that you’ve forgotten how to look after yourself, my Self-Care for Single Mums (That Actually Fits Into Busy Days) article goes much deeper into this.

7. Look Honestly at Your Work-Life Balance

Work has been one of the biggest areas I’ve had to reconsider. I have spent years building my career and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, but I’ve also had to recognise that work cannot be allowed to take everything I have.

The Mental Health Foundation notes that it can be easy to normalise long hours and extreme stress when you’ve been living that way for a long time. It recommends periodically looking at what work is costing you, reconsidering your priorities and exploring realistic changes such as flexible working, clearer boundaries or actually using your time off.

Of course, telling a single mum to simply “work less” ignores financial reality. Some women cannot reduce their hours. The Mental Health Foundation also acknowledges that people worried about income or job security may have much less freedom to change their working arrangements.

The useful question isn’t therefore, “Why don’t I just work less?” It is “What changes are genuinely available to me that could make work more sustainable?”

8. Change the Structure of Your Life Where You Can

This has probably been the biggest practical change I’ve made myself. After experiencing burnout and dealing with significant health problems, I realised I couldn’t simply keep asking myself to cope better with a life that was taking too much from me.

I decided to reduce my working week from five full days to four. That meant accepting that I would earn less, so I looked carefully at my spending, reduced some of my budgets and cut back in areas that mattered less to me so I could afford to make the change.

In exchange, I gained something I desperately needed: time. My additional day gives me more opportunity to recover from a demanding working week, deal with life admin, catch up with jobs around the house and create some breathing room instead of trying to squeeze everything into already-exhausting evenings and weekends.

It hasn’t removed every pressure from my life, and I don’t want to pretend that dropping a day at work is financially possible for every single mum. For me, however, having slightly less disposable income in exchange for more time, energy and capacity became a trade-off I was willing to make.

Interestingly, research into shorter working weeks also suggests that reduced working time can support wellbeing, although my circumstances are obviously not the same as those studies. In the Mental Health Foundation’s own 2024–25 shorter-week pilot, 69% of participating staff reported less work-related stress and 79% reported a better work-life balance.

The experience has also changed how I think about financial independence. I used to think primarily about earning more, whereas now I also think about how managing my money carefully can give me greater control over my time.

Your change might look completely different. It could be requesting flexible working, cutting an expense so you don’t need as much overtime, sharing a responsibility, simplifying your children’s schedules or deciding that something you have been doing for years simply isn’t worth the energy anymore.

The important question is: what could I change, reduce or simplify to make my life more sustainable?

9. Let Other People Support You

Independence and support aren’t opposites. I think this is an important distinction for single mums because becoming highly self-reliant can sometimes make it difficult to admit when we need other people.

Support doesn’t necessarily mean somebody rescuing you or taking over your responsibilities. It might be a family member helping with childcare, a friend listening when you’ve had a difficult week, another parent helping with lifts, professional support when you’re struggling emotionally or simply having people in your life around whom you don’t have to pretend everything is fine.

You may not have a large support network, and some single mums genuinely have very little practical help available. If that is your situation, the answer isn’t to blame yourself for failing to “build a village.” It is to make use of whatever safe and realistic support is available to you.

10. Make Sure There Is Still a Person Behind the Mum

This may be the part of burnout we talk about least. You can become so busy maintaining everybody else’s life that eventually you barely recognise your own.

You work, parent, cook, clean, organise, pay bills and go to sleep before waking up and doing it again. Weeks and months can pass where almost everything you do is connected to work, the house or somebody else’s needs.

I don’t want work, parenting and responsibility to become my whole life. There also needs to be space for personal development, creativity, friendships, interests, exercise, travel, spiritual fulfilment and goals that belong to me. Being a mum is an incredibly important part of who I am, but it isn’t the only part of my identity.

This is also part of why Lily in Bloom exists. I believe we can deeply love our children while acknowledging that our lives matter too.

Ask Yourself: Is My Life Sustainable?

One question has become much more useful to me than asking whether I can cope.

Can I continue living like this without continually sacrificing my health, happiness or sense of self?

Single mums can become incredibly good at coping. We find solutions, stretch money, rearrange schedules, keep working when we’re exhausted and somehow make things happen because somebody has to.

But being capable of carrying something doesn’t necessarily mean you should carry it indefinitely. Sometimes the goal shouldn’t be to become stronger; it should be to make the load lighter.

The Mental Health Foundation similarly recommends periodically pausing to consider what is causing stress, what you are prioritising, what you may be losing as a result and what changes are realistically available to you. Mental Health Foundation

A Simple Burnout Check-In for Single Mums

Once a week, or whenever life starts to feel particularly heavy, take a few minutes to check in with yourself. You don’t need another complicated tracker or routine. These questions are simply there to help you notice what is happening before you reach the point where you have nothing left.

Energy: What is draining me most at the moment?
Body: Am I eating, drinking, sleeping, resting and moving enough?
Work: Is work taking more from me than I can sustainably give?
Home: What could I simplify, postpone or stop doing?
Support: Am I carrying something somebody else could help with?
Connection: Have I spent time with people who make me feel supported?
Me: Have I done anything recently simply because I wanted to?
Future: Is the way I’m living taking me towards the life I want?

You don’t need to come away with eight new goals. Notice the answer that feels most important and choose one meaningful change to make first.

What If You’re Already Burnt Out?

If you’re already deeply exhausted, please don’t turn this article into another list of things you’re failing to do. The first step may be reducing demands rather than adding new habits.

Look at what can wait, what can be cancelled and where you can ask for help. Prioritise the basics, such as food, water, sleep and rest. Consider whether there is something significant in your work or home life that needs addressing, rather than continually trying to become better at tolerating an unsustainable situation.

The NHS advises seeking help if stress or burnout is affecting your daily life or mental health. You can speak to your GP, and adults in England can also self-refer to NHS Talking Therapies in many circumstances.

Single Mums Aren’t Invincible

People sometimes describe single mums as superheroes, and I understand why. I’ve met women who manage an extraordinary amount every day while quietly holding their families together.

But I think there is a danger in expecting ourselves to live like superheroes. We are human beings with finite amounts of time, energy and emotional capacity, and pretending otherwise isn’t sustainable. Looking after ourselves means paying attention to the basics — proper food, water, sleep, movement and rest — but wellbeing goes beyond our physical needs. Friendship, emotional connection, personal development, spiritual fulfilment, enjoyment and having things to look forward to all matter too.

Our children need looking after, but so do their mums. Taking care of ourselves isn’t something separate from caring for our families. It is part of creating a family life that can work for the long term.

For me, avoiding burnout is no longer about becoming better at fitting everything in. It is about gradually building a life where I don’t have to run myself into the ground to keep everything else going.

That might mean earning differently, spending differently, working differently, asking for help, lowering an expectation or protecting more time for yourself. You don’t have to redesign your whole life this week. Start with the part that is hurting the most and make one meaningful change at a time.

What to Read Next

If you’re beginning to realise that you need to make more room for yourself, read Self-Care for Single Mums (That Actually Fits Into Busy Days) next. It includes realistic ways to look after yourself when you don’t have huge amounts of spare time.

If the mental load is one of your biggest sources of exhaustion, your next article should be Simple Routines for Single Mums: 7 Ways to Make Everyday Life Easier. And if you want to look at the bigger picture, continue with How to Rebuild Your Life as a Single Mum (Step-by-Step Guide).